1.5 MATHEMATICS

I SHARED WITH THE GROUP MY 1.5/166.5 HOURS OF TIME. I'VE EXPANDED TO 6/672 FOR THE MONTH AND 72/8064 FOR THE YEAR. HOW SAD IT IS THAT A LIFE HAS TO BE REDUCED MATHEMATICALLY TO 1.5 HOURS OUT OF A WEEK TO FEEL ACCEPTED FOR WHO YOU ARE , WHERE YOU'VE BEEN AND WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT ANYTHING. TO FEEL NOT SO TOTALLY ALONE IN AN OVERCROWDED WORLD, TO NOT BE OSTRACIZED FOR WHAT'S INSIDE YOUR HEAD OR YOUR HEART. 1.5 HOURS OF THE WEEK I CAN HAVE THE SUPPORT OF STRANGERS. NO NEED OF FRIENDS FOR THEY ONLY TURN AWAY OR FIND SOME EXCUSE TO EXIT THE FRIENDSHIP, THOUGH I TRY TO REMAIN A FRIEND WHO HAS NOT........ ONE I CAN TRULY CALL A FRIEND THAT REMAINS A PART OF MY LIFE. TODAY ON A PERSONAL LEVEL I TRUST NO ONE, TRUST HAS BECOME A SWORD THAT BRINGS ME TO WAR......

PLUS I FIND IT LESS PAINFUL TO STAY AWAY FROM 'SO-CALLED ' FRIENDS WHEN YOU NEED THEM THAN TO BE PUSHED AWAY............................OR JUST IGNORED BECAUSE YOU NEED A FRIEND...........SO MY HAT'S OFF TO THE STRANGER..................

MATHEMATICALLY:
168 HOURS (7 DAYS ) - 1.5 HOURS (STRANGERS IN GROUP THERAPY) = 166.5 HOURS
(LEFT TO LONELINESS FOR A GIVEN WEEK) .

WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE FOR JUST ONE PARSEC OF PEACE INSIDE MY LIFE I'VE ALWAYS CALLED THE NIGHTMARE, THE LONELINESS OF BEING SO ALONE IS ALMOST OVERWHELMING SOMETIMES AS ABUSE HAS SO DESTROYED MY LIFE ALL MY LIFE AND ALL MY LIFE TRYING TO OVERCOME, TRYING TO TRUST AND ONLY FINDING BETRAYAL IN ITS' MANY GUISES, PATRONIZATION IN IT'S MANY MASKS.
IS THERE ANY BODY REAL OUT THERE ANYMORE? HOW LONG HAVE I SEARCHED TO FIND ONE OTHER LIKE MYSELF THAT WE CAN BE OUR SELVES TOGETHER WITHOUT ANY FEAR OF BEING MADE VICTIM AGAIN TO THE CIRCUMSTANCE OF THE HAND THAT'S BEEN DEALT? HOW LONG HAVE I SEARCHED FOR ONE TRUE FRIEND?

AS A CHILD AND AS A WOMAN I STILL CRY THE SAME TEARS FOR THE SAME REASONS.......ALONE ALL ALONG..........(EXCEPT FOR MY 1.5).